/q/ - Quest


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374760[Last 50 Posts]

…white… black… white… Close eyes, black, open eyes, white… Lines… Squares… Black lines between white squares… It's patterned… Same size, going away. Breathing. Brea-fucking ow… torso hurts. Need to slow your breathing. Okay, good… where are you?


Blick Winkel.




Assess the situation.


I vote for this being the name


Yell loudly


Call out into the room. Let's see if we're completely alone in this strange place.


For some reason, I think we might be looking at ceiling tiles. Are we laying on anything? Are we in a hospital?



A mental hospital no doubt.


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You take your time to assess what's going on… you can't move. There's something binding you to this table. Legs, torso, arms… well, your right arm is. Your left is in a swathe, bandaged from your knuckles to the shoulder. Oh God your stomach… it feels like there's nothing in there, yet it's grinding against you. Wait, you've never bought an IV… this isn't your room…

It's a hospital. The beeping of the heart monitor confirms this. Considering how sore you are, this is probably the best place to be right now.

…unless you're in a mental ward. You can't remember what happened before this. What if you snapped? The fact you can't remember something that would make you lose your mind only worsens the suspicion. Well, your mind feels fine…

There has to be someone nearby. "Hey! Is there anybody there!" Hopefully you don't have to do that again, your ribs can't take it. There is a noise of steps, then someone stands in the doorway…

"It can talk… go get the doctor and the librarian…"



Shield our eyes.


Look around the room. Check our limbs to see what's binding us. I don't think we should move.

Since we don't have the strength to talk, squint to the shadow in the doorway. They can obviously talk and know we're in here. Wish we could call them in.


Are there any pictures on the walls? A window to look outside?



Don't be too surprised at the talking ponies.


I would be surprised as fuck.


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…it? Librarian? The doctor you can understand, but a librarian?

Looking around more, the sunlight is flooding the white room. Some painting is above you, but can't make it out at this angle. Strange that the window seems to be so small and close to the ground. Your sight is still blurry, so all you can make out is some green on the ground and maybe a tree.

The sunlight from the window is bright, but you can't use your arms to shield your eyes. The only thing you can do is slowly become adjusted to the level of light.

You think about saying something, but decide against it. They'll be here soon enough. Looking at your body, you see a blanket, but you can feel straps underneath… and that your legs are bound, but are dangling knee down from the foot of the bed. You can somewhat lift it away, but it's more than likely futile to move at all. Is this a bed for a child? Has to be, it's narrow. Your eyesight seems to be adjusted, and by the time you squint at the doorway, some…things enter.

Three creatures, walking on all fours, approach you… and that's as far as you can process right now… nope, can't think. "Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle…" Whatever this thing is, it sure is purple. "Can you talk?"



"Uuuh, hi."


"Please excuse the look on my face. You see, from my perspective, you look like a tiny talking purple horse."



How did we get here?


"What's with the spear?"


yeah, where am i?
am i a prisoner?
please spare me.





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"Uuuh, hi." That's the most you can muster right now. You know you can't think, but also can't respond to what's going on. It's like watching through a screen, unable to comprehend. Feels too meta.

Brain damage. That's the answer. Has to be. A strange feeling that you've accepted your mind is fucked up, but happy to know the answer. Feels like you have a better grip on things. "Yes, but I may have sustained some sort of brain damage. Please excuse the look on my face. You see, from my perspective, you look like a tiny talking purple horse."

The white one with a pink mane and the purple one look at each other. They return their gazes at you. "I am a tiny talking purple horse…" She then props herself on the bed. "Don't you know what we are? I've looked over all my books, but I couldn't find anything that describes what you are… Do you know where you are right now?"

"Yes," you respond, "I'm in a mental institution, and you are illusions of my broken psyche. Hello, hallucination of mine. How are you doing? Because right now I feel pretty lost. But at least I know I'm safe… I hope I'm safe… Don't know why I still feel pain. You'd think I wouldn't hurt if I'm going to create a fantasy."

A look of bewilderment comes across your new-found imaginary friend… at least you hope it's friendly… sure would be nice to have a reference point here. "No, you shouldn't be under the influence of those pop-eyed poppies berries you ate. As far as I know, you don't come from Equestria, so I'm assuming you don't know what they are. A plant in the Everfree Forest that lures prey and devours it. Almost got your arm too. After you came to Ponyville, it's effects were prominent enough to turn you into a stupor… don't know what you were thinking, you even tried to drink a shampoo bottle… You collapsed and the guards brought you here for examination."

That spear sure looks menacing. Try as you might, looks like you can't shoot lasers out of your eyes. Shitty broken reality you've made for yourself. "Hey, am I a prisoner? Please don't hurt me."

Twi-something or whatever her name is, says "We don't know if you're dangerous. Had to take safe preconditions. So, are you dangerous? What are you? Do you have a name? Where are you from?"



I'm not dangerous, but I guess that makes sense. Thanks for taking care of me"


"Uhhh…I don't remember. But on pretty sure I'm not dangerous."


"I'm not dangerous, no. I'm a human from the magical, faraway planet called 'Earth'. Us Earthfolk are quite peaceful… friendly, even. Very friendly."

What the hell is our name? Are we Anon?


well we'll never collectively agree on a name, how about we ditch our human name and make one up


Ask this 'Twilight Sparkle' what she wants with us.


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"No," responding to her questions, "I'm not dangerous. I guess I'm in shock… can't wrap my head around, but I'll see what I can remember. First off, thank you for taking care of me. I can understand why you would be cautious… and for that spear. Doesn't make me feel any better though. My name is Anonymous… Anon for short." Taking a moment to think, it's probably useless to say what city, state, or country you're from… "I'm from Earth. Seems like this is a different planet, but us Earthfolk are peaceful… friendly even. Very friendly… please don't stab me."

At this point her eyes light up. "Ooh, an alien! I knew there had to be something out there! I had my theories, but never would I think of seeing something so amazing! But why do you call your planet the same as dirt? We have something like 'Earthfolk' called Earth Ponies! Do you have another name for your planet? Oh, are there other sentient species there? This is so exciting! I can't wait to write this down, it's going to change so much! Please, tell me more!" She even does a little hop closer toward your head, maybe so she can hear you better.

"So… Twilight Sparkle… what do you want with me?" Her eyes are huge… why is she so purple? The thought of assuming it's a female crosses your mind, but seems feminine. She waits for a second, wanting to hear more. Your sore ribs don't make talking easy.

Eventually, the idea that you aren't going to spew out every Wikipedia entry you can think of latches to her mind. "Well, I want to study you! Just imagine, an alien! What if this opens up a whole other planet worth of knowledge… and me, the first pony to do so… I'd go down in the books forever! Maybe even more important than Starswirl the Bearded…"

Looks like you're going to have to be more specific. "…what am I going to do? Can you take me back?"

Twilight looks around the room, deep in thought. "I don't know where your planet is, but maybe the Princess does. I'll ask her after I tell her my findings. Oh oh oh! She'll be so proud!" She then starts to daydream… you cough to catch her attention again. "Sorry, if you promise to behave, we'll take care of you… and let me study you more, of course."




"Studying doesn't happen to involve performing weird experiments, right?"


"That's great, Purple Sparkly… really great. I'll teach you the ways of the Human race… but maybe after my ribs heal? It hurts to talk too much."

I'm sure that bottle of shampoo has held our hunger over up until now. We're not starving, are we?



"I guess I don't have a choice. But just to be sure, we humans have weak stomachs. If I'm to stay in this hospital, I can't be fed any grasses or hay. I'll need fruit or bread."


will it hurt?


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"Studying doesn't happen to involve performing weird experiments, right?" The idea of them carving your body with you still alive is too prominent to ignore. Also, you remember the stereotype of aliens and anal probing. There are probably worse things you could imagine, but you decide not to.

"Will it hurt?" You probably have a worried look right now.

She giggles, "No, it won't. I'm sure there are things you'd like to learn from us too." Getting up on her hind legs, she… claps while making a squeal of delight. Maybe she's not thinking of what's happening right now… if an alien happened to appear on Earth, you guarantee humans wouldn't be this friendly towards it. Such a strange species, these ponies.

"That's great, Purple Sparkly… really great. I'll teach you the ways of the Human race… but maybe after my ribs heal? It hurts to talk too much." You feel something loosen around you, seeing the white one unbuckling the straps… although the other one looks at you with apprehension. Maybe he's some sort of police officer? That spear is definitely meant to keep you in line… how is it floating there? Once they're all undone, you take your time to sit up. The ceiling is closer than what you first thought, but I guess that makes sense considering how small they are. She also takes off the wires and pulls out the IV. You thank her, not knowing what else to do.

"I guess I don't have a choice. But just to be sure, we humans have weak stomachs. If I'm to stay in this hospital, I can't be fed any grasses or hay. I'll need fruit or bread. That bottle of shampoo isn't exactly part of our diet… although I think I remember it's taste. I'm starving." As you rub your stomach with your free hand, it's apparent that you have no clothes… whatsoever. Not even a gown nor underwear. Good thing that blanket didn't fall off the bed.

"Don't worry," she assures, "we'll get something along the way. I should have brought paper and quill! I could be writing right now… need to remember that next time an alien visits us."


Oh no. They didn't see us naked, did they? Might want to ask just so we know.

If you're going to be moving, toga that blanket around you. Better to be styling than sporting your birthday suit if you plan on being in public.



"It's also human custom to be clothed when around others…"


"So what's this 'princess' you mentioned?"



Ask where our clothing is and we need it back.


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"It's also human custom to be clothed when around others…" The only clothing you see is a little hat sitting on top of the pink mane one and the armor around the stern looking one.

"…well that's silly." Twilight waves a hoof to bat away the idea. "Why would you need to?" A few ideas of saying how you don't have fur, and standing up fully exposes yourself, but maybe they wouldn't understand.

"What about the clothing I had? Why did you remove it?" You remember that you used your shirt as a makeshift bandage around your arm… why did they have to immobilize it if it was just cuts?

The one with a red cross on her hat speaks up. "We had to see your injuries and what you were… the cloth that had blood on it we burned, and everything else was too torn or dirty to keep." So they did see you naked, and now you don't have any clothes… not even shoes.

"Normal bipedal anatomy, as far as I could tell. Coarse fur patterned around the body." This is probably why they called this librarian, although why they didn't get a scientist, you can't figure out. "Mobility seems like a major thing about humans, with digits used for manipulation." She seems to be talking as if to either tell you her ability to assume, or to list it off for herself to hear. The list continues, as you attempt to make a toga with only one arm and your teeth.

"So what's this 'princess' you mentioned?" Seeing that your having trouble, the medical one helps you out.

Twilight looks at you with a questioning stare. "You don't know who…" then a look of realization, followed by wonder, "Oh, Princess Celestia is the ruler of Equestria, who raises the sun every day. She's kind, smart, and wise! She'll know what to do… in fact, I need to write a letter as soon as possible." Some sort of god? Hopefully she isn't going to a temple to pray for an answer… walking toward the door, she turns to the one in armor. "Be hospitable and show him around, answer any questions he has."

"I'm not going to chaperone this… thing." Judging from a deeper voice, you assume he's a he. "It's either staying here or being locked up."

At this point, the sun worshiper gives him a glare. "Listen guard, you called me because you wanted my opinion on what he is and what to do with him. We need to let him know where he is… and you will refer to him as a he, not it. As Celestia's protegee, I know this is what she would want. My observation is that he is a polite, self-aware being who deserves to be treated like any other pony. I have faith in my findings, and the possibilities of what this could mean for all Ponykind is so great, that I will take personal responsibility for his behavior." The two of them stare at one another, before Twilight just walks out.

Taking a moment to think, the guard approaches you. "If you step out of line, I won't hesitate to ensure you don't hurt anypony…" Well, it seems like you have a small amount of freedom, under the watchful eye of the guard…




Craft a fashionable toga out of the bed sheet.


Assure the guard that you have no intention of causing any trouble and ask him if there's a tailor or someone that could possibly help you out with your clothing situation.
Also, ask the one that is presumably a nurse or doctor if it's okay to borrow your makeshift toga for a while.


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While still feeling embarrassed about being nude for all of them to examine, you take your arm out of the swathe. The arm isn't broken, and it seems like there is too much bandage. Maybe they didn't know what to do, so they immobilized it? With help, you finish wrapping yourself in the cloth. "Thank you…"

"Nurse Redheart. I'm guessing you're going to take this sheet?" With a small nod, she continues, "I'm sorry, if I'd known those clothes were important, I wouldn't have them disposed of. You can have it as an apology. The other ponies here didn't know what to do, so I took charge and made the doctors do their job… apparently they think the oath only applies when they want it to."A small laugh escapes her lips. "I shouldn't be laughing… I was wondering if doctors are the same where you're from, or even if you have them. It's a sort of joke that nurses run the hospital and take care of the patients, while doctors are only used for specialty."

Looking at your Roman-like attire, you ask, "How do I look?" She gives a smile, so you take it as a compliment.

Turning to the guard, you say to him, "I assure you that I won't cause trouble. Those… berries influenced my behavior before, so how about a fresh start?" He doesn't show any signs of disagreement, so you continue, "Is there a tailor or someone that could possibly help me out with my clothing situation?"

"Considering that you aren't a pony, I can't think of a tailor that can make you clothing… we ponies don't wear as much as you humans seem to. You might have to see somepony who specializes in making strange apparel."

Redheart chimes in, "Rarity might be able to. She's the best at what she does, and I've seen her work on display. If anypony can make something elaborate, it's her."



But we don't got any money. Time to do sidequests to get dosh.



Holla holla get dolla



Can't he just sell his body for science? I'm sure Twilight will toss a few coins Anon's way if he volunteers for some weird experiments.



"Okay, mind telling me where she works?"


"She probably doesn't work for free, does she? Speaking of that, what do you use for money?"


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"Okay, mind telling me where she works?" The sooner you get clothes, the better. The guard motions you toward the door, maybe it's time to leave?

As you take a few steps, Redheart speaks up. "If you need anything medical, ask for me. I don't know when a human is supposed to change their bandages, but I'll be here for you." With a smile and a wave, you make your way out. Having to duck under the doorways, and being careful not to hit anything on the ceiling. Walking through the halls, the ponies that see you react in various ways, and move out of your path when near. Exiting the hospital, breathing fresh air and feeling the earth under your soles, a few questions come to mind…

First is, you have no money… or even if they use currency. "She probably doesn't work for free, does she? Speaking of that, what do you use for money?"

"Bits." The guard continues walking as you keep pace beside him. Your stride is longer than his, so you have to slow down a bit from normal.

"…well, I don't have any bits. Can I sell my body for science, since it seems Twilight is as interested as she is? I might have to volunteer for some weird experiments."

He looks your direction, but doesn't change expression from his stern disposition. "I don't know what you can do for bits… the apple orchard usually needs help year round, or maybe there's something on the town's bulletin board. Although, who would hire you is another story." Seems like he won't say anything unless you ask first, probably doesn't like babysitting an alien against his will.

Your worry of stepping on something with your bare feet are unfounded. The streets are compacted dirt, clear of any debris. Ponies who see you are having a wider range of reactions compared to the ones in the hospital. Some stare, some run, some talk to others while pointing at you, but they all avoid where you're going. Taking in the sight of their buildings, various carts open in an almost bazaar fashion, you start to see food and remember just how hungry you are. Seems like the shock of your situation is waning.

"Hi!" Realizing it's coming from below, you stop and look down to see a very small pony of yellow and red with a big bow. "I wasn't expecting to see you again." You remember seeing this one before… after you got out of the forested area, you found some apple trees and began to eat. It was a welcoming sight, the food helped put you at ease. Three small ponies approached you, and you offered a half eaten one… this was before you figured out they were sentient… and then a big red one kicks you in the chest. It would have knocked the wind out of you if you weren't already backing away from the rush. At least now you remember why you have sore ribs. Other things come to mind, like trying to skin a rabbit you found…

"Applebloom!" A pony of orange grabs the smaller one and drags her away… probably to a safe distance. "Don't you touch her!" She then places herself in between you and the small one, to shield, more than likely. "I heard about you, trying to eat all my apples and harass my sister…"


Apologize to her. Tell her that some plant in the forest apparently messed with our brain while trying to eat us, so we weren't in total control of our actions when we met her sister.



"Sorry about earlier. I might have made a bad impression. I'm willing to start over if you are"



Tell her that we meant no harm and ask if there's anything we can do to make her forgive us.


>"they were some really good apples…"


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"Sorry about earlier. I might have made a bad impression. I'm willing to start over if you are." She gives you a determined glare under that brown hat… "I ate something called pop-eyed poppie berries and it messed with me. Almost got devoured by it too." You lift up your bandaged arm slightly. "It messed with my head…" Maybe she knows how you got here, considering she's so close to the forest?

She gives a stomp. "That's no excuse for eating my crop. I need that for my family and all of Ponyville."

"I didn't know those apples were part of your farm… after all that I went through, that food was a great sign. They were some really good apples… Is there anything I can do to make it up?" Hopefully this is sincere enough to work.

She takes her time to respond… "Well, you could pay for what you ate, that would be a start."

The money situation, "I… don't have any money. I'm not even from here, this planet even." At this statement, she seems taken back, while the smaller one looks with curiosity.

"…an alien?" You nod. "Well, even then, you should have some common sense. Seeing well tended fruit trees and you just eat 'em. Even tried to offer food to my sister without saying a word first."

You put up your good hand in retaliation. "Hey, I was starving and I didn't know you ponies were… people. Look, I promise to pay back what I owe, and then some, I just have to figure out what I'm going to do."

The pony stews it over, then looks upward to show her face more. "Alrighty, I'm still gonna hold you accountable for those apples. My name's Applejack, AJ for short. How can I make sure you won't just dine and dash?"

"Anonymous, Anon for short. Twilight Sparkle is talking to your… sun god. You can talk to her to find me, seems like I might be in her care."

She does a slow nod. "Alrighty, you got yourself a deal." Seems to be satiated?


Before we go, let's at least see if she'd be alright with letting us work at her apple farm as a form of repayment. She might even keep us as part time employees and pay us if we do a good enough job.

We don't have anything to lose. Even if she rejects us for being so weird and foreign, at least we tried.


Ask if you can maybe do some work for her to clear your debts



"Alright. I'm glad we could make up fpr a shaky start"


Well, lets be on our merry way to torment Rarity.





I've always wondered…why does everyone always assume Equestria is exactly the same as Earth physics-wise?

What if gravity was substantially lower, or if everything was much lighter than on Earth?


>Other things come to mind, like trying to skin a rabbit you found…
Oh dear, let's hope Fluttershy is willing to appreciate the circle of life when it applies that closely to those she knows.


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"Alright. I'm glad we could make up for a shaky start… would it be alright if we worked on your apple farm as a form of repayment?" Maybe she'll let you keep the job since money appears to be a major issue. Couldn't hurt to ask.

AJ looks you up and down. "It's hard work, I don't know how you'll be able to do anything with that cast on… and I don't rightfully trust you in all honesty. We're already late going back, but I'll think it over, c'mon Applebloom."

"But I wanna talk to the alien!" The child protests, but with a stern look from her older sister, they begin their walk back… with a few backward glances from the kid. Probably not a good idea to follow, you already feel like you're on thin ice.

The guard continues his trek, and you follow in tow. Money… how are you going to pay for custom clothes? Some other questions come to mind as well. Maybe not all of them are as… accepting as Twilight. Maybe she is taking too big of a risk. Maybe she isn't being responsible. Maybe both? The farmer didn't really care if you were an alien, but did care about what you did. Is their life so… open that they don't just kill you and put you on a dissecting table?

Does Equestria and Earth have a lot in common? What if the gravity was different? You test this by doing a quick hop, but can't tell anything abnormal… What if atmosphere has traces of things that will kill you in excruciating ways? …what are you going to do if you can't get back home?

All these thoughts occupy your mind until the guard pony speaks up. "There it is…" Your questions stop as you look upon a strangely shaped building, something like an elegant circus tent… the merry-go-round mounts add to this effect. Two ponies are standing in front, in conversation. The one with a bi-colored hairdo stares at you, while the other continues to talk, maybe unaware that you're there.


Approach cautiously.
Try not to drop your spaghetti at the lovely pony you're about to meet.


Approach the boutique.

Time for snazzy clothes. Or a couple of dumpster rags since we're poor.


Oh boy, time for Lyra.
What >>377094 said, let's approach slowly.


Ask the guard if they've come into contact with aliens before.

That's some shit that they hardly react.


Go to the building and try to get some answers


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One of the questions you were stewing over comes to mind. "…have you had contact with aliens before? You haven't reacted like I thought you would."

"A guard must be able to expect the unexpected, and ensure that it doesn't harm pony life. I don't think we've ever had aliens. What did you think we'd do?"

"…kill me, put me in some secret government science facility, and make sure the general populace never knows I exist."

He gives you a questioning stare, the only expression you've seen him give besides focus on you. "What kind of being would be that disrespectful?" You feel somewhat hurt on behalf of humanity. "I don't agree with Twilight's decision, but I follow orders. If it were up to me, I'd detain you until we know if you were a menace or not."

As you approach slowly, trying to appear nonthreatening, the pony that was looking at you points, says something, and runs, while the other turns to see. The way her hair is styled, and the make up she wears, makes you guess that she takes time on her appearance… at least you hope it's a female. Considering how your day has been so far, you wouldn't doubt it if they don't have strict gender characteristics.

"Oh… um, welcome to Carousel Boutique. We were just talking about you…" She has a effeminate voice, seems to be giving a standard greeting while wondering what you are. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

She doesn't seem frightened, but you need to decide what questions you want answers to…


Well don't be rude, introduce yourself.


Tell her we looking for some fancy duds.


First off, find out if you can open a tab. Then ask if she does tailor work


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"Hello, my name is Anonymous. I'm here for some clothing, and I heard you do some fancy duds… you are a tailor, right? I don't have any money, so would it be possible to open a tab?" Hopefully, she'll say yes.

"Oh," she snaps to a happier disposition, "please excuse me, being surprised is no excuse to be rude. Forgive me for not introducing myself. My name is Rarity, and yes, I am a tailor, but I don't just make clothes, but also a designer of fashion itself. And you, need my help. Please, come inside…"

That was easier than expected… wait, what kind of clothes should you ask for?


Wait…she's going to have to measure us.

That means we're going to have to lose the robes.


Something relatively simple, for now
If we're going to have to work on the apple pony's farm


Ah fuck I can't think of much.

A t-shirt and jeans seems too fucking simple.
A suit would be too much.

We will need a hat though. A hat is a must.
A fedora.


We need something practical. I can't imagine she's going to continuously provide us with custom tailored clothes at the drop of a hat.

She may object, but let's sketch out a T-shirt, pants, and a pair of shoes. We need work attire.

If we must, cover up our junk. Don't want to embarrass ourselves by revealing our less than impressive anatomy unless we're hung, then just let it swing.


Oh yeah, already forgot about that.

Better make it the t-shirt and jeans then.


>unless we're hung, then just let it swing.
No you swine, have some damn decency.


If we start grabbing at our junk when we have nothing to be embarrassed about, I somehow doubt she's going to take that as a compliment.


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Cover. It. Up.


>nudity is the prevalent norm in Equestria
>the tailor herself is naked right now
Don't say I didn't warn you. Being so quick to cover yourself might not be something ponies are accustomed to. She could even take it as an insult.


Well that's too damn bad.

Modesty will prevail.


Rarity sure is nice.

Ask her if she could make us some tough work clothes and maybe a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off our necks.


Yes do this.


If we're going to be working on a farm (hopefully) we'll need some clothes that will hold out under rough work

I guess some jeans and boots to start


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As you enter the store, you take a look around. There are mannequins shaped like ponies covered with elaborate attire. Dresses, hats, and even saddles… which makes you wonder why they would where those to begin with. Do they carry very tiny people? There is a platform with mirrors circling it, and various working material and tools placed in various locations. You don't see anything that would fit a human… but at least it feels more spacious than the hospital you were in.

A few ideas of what to ask for begin to take shape. "I would like something simple, like work clothes. A T-shirt, pants, and pair of shoes. Maybe a hat too. Something tough," you think about what would work, "like denim and cotton."

"Very well, take off what you have and stand there." The realization that you'll have to be nude hits you. On one hand, they don't seem to have a social stigma against it, on the other, you aren't comfortable. "Do you think you could sketch something out?"


tell her of your dilemma
if we're lucky she'll umderstand


>we're not comfortable

Alright, in that case… let's ask her if we could have something to cover up our nethers with. If she questions it, just be honest and tell her how you feel about being naked in front of others.

If she blows it off, then just keep your eyes up and imagine that you're wearing boxers. It shouldn't take too long to take measurements.


Let her know of human societal norms.

Being a pone of class she'll probably understand.


Wait a minute, we don't absolutely have to work on the farm. AJ didn't even confirm that she'd let us work with her.

>"…but I'll think it over…"

That could have been a polite way for her to say 'no way in hell, freaky tall'.

Just putting my two cents in here. Not only is farm work tough as shit without our injuries, but there are much easier jobs around town that we'd probably be better suited to do than a pony would. Baking, perhaps? Maybe one of the local businesses needs an accountant?

I still like the idea of tough clothes until we get more money to expand our warddrobe. Let's not shoehorn ourselves into any specific jobs right off the bat.


Who knows, farm work might be easier for a human in this place.
Ponies are quite small.


They're small, but just remember that one of them was able to kick us hard enough to nearly break our ribs. Granted he was a bit bigger…

Just a consideration, though. I'd like to see what else is available before we dedicate our buddy Anon to any one specific job.


Kicked by Big Mac likely full force and all it did was 'nearly' break our ribs?



The only reason I think we avoided breaking our ribs was because we were already running away. He didn't land a good hit on us, but we still got bruised bones.


It is obvious that we are glorious giants in this strange new world.



Let's not and instead imagine ourselves doing so. Especially if Rarity won't let us cover up our willy. It'll take our mind off of our squeamishness.


That'll do.


File: 1364092360614.jpg (112.75 KB, 800x600, 015.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

You might not get the job at the farm, but you can't really go wrong with jeans and a shirt. It should be quick to make and simple enough to not be obtrusive, besides that fact you are a human. Goes well no matter what the job, and you might not have to dress specifically for one either.

Maybe if you tell her your dilemma, she'll understand. "Humans aren't supposed to be naked around the company of others… and all I have is this sheet." She returns wearing spectacles.

"Oh, how inconsiderate of me. I should have realized when I saw what you had was for modesty, not a statement. If it makes you feel any better, I could put something on, or maybe it'll help for me to remind you that I'm not wearing anything? Well, besides my working glasses…" You see her horn glow and a hat from a mannequin floats on top of her. "Better?"


"Y-yeah… much better. That hat goes great with your glasses, by the way…"

Stand where she asked you to earlier and disrobe with your back toward her. She can still take all of our measurements, but she won't be able to see Happy Hairy from the front, anyway…


what a silly pony
"haha thanks I guess that helps"


Strip if we have to, otherwise let's keep our toga on.


Yes, I'd rather keep the toga.


"Nice hat."


File: 1364169630731.jpg (111.81 KB, 800x600, 016.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

You guess it's the thought that counts. "Yeah, it helps. Nice hat, goes well with the glasses." Are they really this… innocent?

"This old thing?" She swats at the compliment. "It's been sitting here for some time, haven't been able to get anypony to buy it… there's some memories with it, but I guess it'll have to wait." Rarity approaches with measuring tape and quill with paper. "Now, how about we get these numbers then?"

You opt for a compromise, taking the sheet and bundling it around your waist, back to her. Not naked, not modest, still uncomfortable. "Now, I've never done something with a body like yours. Closest thing I've seen is a minotaur, so I'm going to get everything I can think of." The tape presses against your skin-wait, minotaur? "You're lucky that you showed up when you did, business has been slow lately… I had a stroke of luck finding a huge amount of gems some time ago, with some help from a few dogs, but now it's all gone. Supply and demand, all that you understand. Boost of materials, boost of work, but now I've run out and nopony needs anything because I've filled all their orders. I'm going to have to find another cache of them before it picks back up." By now, she finishes. "So, work clothing? That should be simple enough for me." While she heads to her supplies, you re-wrap your flesh. "Anonymous, was it? Please, tell me about yourself."



"Well you don't need to use any of those gems on my clothes, I don't need anything that…sparkly."


First ask her about the minotaurs.



Yeah, humans typically wear something plain, maybe a few tasteful shapes. Ain't no sense in being all gaudy for the sake of it.



Tell her our favorite color is white. ~


Tell her some stuff about Earth.
Try to avoid anything too traumatizing.
Oh, and offer to help her hunt for gems sometime.



Lets regale the ponies with stories about Earth.



Only the good parts though.


File: 1364181028877.jpg (113.79 KB, 800x600, 017.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

"Well you don't need to use any of those gems on my clothes, I don't need anything that…" you look at a nearby dress lined with jewels, "sparkly. Just a white shirt. Humans typically wear something plain, maybe a few tasteful shapes." When you look back, materials and tools are floating in the air, weaving around each other and being worked on by invisible hands. Is she doing that?

The side note of seeing a minotaur is bothering you. "Did you say something about a minotaur… with a bull's head and everything?" You hope it's nothing like the Greek myths.

"Oh yes, a dear friend of mine had some trouble with advice he gave from his seminar. It turned out alright, no hard feelings." A piece of cut cloth hovers next to you, then back. "Fine businessman, but a bit… bull headed, forgive the expression."

Thinking about the story about the labyrinth, and the beast that lay within isn't close to her description. Maybe this place is more peaceful, or their nouns aren't matching what you know. You decide to tell something a bit softer, although you can't think of anything except vague information about your planet. Maybe you need to think of more specific things next time… "Well, I come from a place called Earth. From what I've heard so far, the difference is that there are only humans, no other self-aware beings. There's about seven billion of us…" You stop, trying to think of… good parts. Dammit brain, why are you so bad at giving suggestions?

"Oh my stars, seven billion? I couldn't imagine such a place… there must be so many things to see, the art, the culture! Why, I bet there's no end to what you can do!" The white pony seems to be lost in her imagination while also making the fabric take shape.

Remembering her talking about needing help, you find a way to repay her for the clothes. "If you want, I can help you hunt for gems."

Her eyes light up, "My, why didn't I think of that?" Then she gazes into you while her glasses float away. "Why such a strong and courageous gentlecolt as yourself should have no problem taking care of all the dangers from a defenseless beauty. I bet we could go so far that we'll find the most gorgeous precious stones… I'll be famous across the land. You just need to use your brute strength to move some boulders, shoot acid at the creatures, and teleport when we find it…"


This is a very slow quest.


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>picture for each post

No shit.


Lets stop her right there.

As far as I'm aware we didn't mutate and gain superpowers upon arriving in Equestria.



>"Did I mention I'm not a wizard?"


I see your point.

It's just so slow I thought maybe the op was giving up or something, I got nervous.


Why the shit did it quote that.

meant for this.


>shoot acid at the creatures

Does she think we have some kind of special powers?
Might want to tell her we're about as useful as earth ponies.


Maybe even worthless, now that I think about it.

I don't even know if we're as strong as earth ponies.
Might as well get lost in the Everfree.


File: 1364181854536.jpg (143.99 KB, 600x795, spehs mehreen.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)


Maybe if we were a space marine.



But we have the greatest power of all: the power of opposable thumbs!


Too bad we're some squishy, worthless human who's only strength is in numbers.
And we're all alone.


Do we have any idea what we were or what we did before ending up in ponyland?



It was a joke. Space Marines have acid saliva.


We're kind of piecing it together I think


You're joking.




Learn to /tg/, scrub.


The 40k universe gets more and more stupidly ridiculous the more I learn about it.


They can also gain your memories by eating your brain.


File: 1364184057788.jpg (115.07 KB, 800x600, 018.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

Seeing where this is going, you decide to stop her train of thought. "As far as I'm aware, I didn't mutate and gain superpowers upon arriving in Equestria. Did I mention I'm not a wizard? Nor a space marine?" That last sentence makes her give a questioning look. "I don't have special powers, of any kind. As far as I can tell, the only thing I have that you don't is opposable thumbs. Human's greatest strength is their numbers, and I'm just a squishy, worthless one. I almost got killed in the Everfree Forest, multiple times!" You hold up your bandaged arm. "A pop-eyed poppies… bush plant thing almost tore my arm into hamburger meat, and even when I got away, I nearly bled to death!" Saying these things fills you with a fear you've not felt before. This is real, and you almost died. All these thoughts about how at the bottom of the food chain you really are makes you feel weak.

Now that you feel more grounded, you take a bit to think about yourself and your situation. Here you are, on an alien planet, with both a very dangerous environment and strange ponies, who saved you from your own incompetence, and are giving you a second chance. How did you even get here? You try to piece it together… but you can't. Everything beforehand was too hazy… trying hard to recollect memories, they're swamped by the several days of you living in isolation, starving and cold. Before you can continue, Rarity speaks. "So you can't move boulders?" Looking at her, the materials have stopped moving while she seems disappointed. Maybe she's talking about when you stumbled over that cart when you thought it had food. "What about acid?" When you projectile vomited. "Teleportation?" Okay, you don't know where that came from. "All the rumors though, they said you walked with total confidence, like you weren't scared of anypony."


To be fair we don't really know what we're capable of yet.


"I was out of my mind."



All the generosity I've received has taken the edge off, though I didn't mean to seem arrogant or anything. I'm not even sure if a pony appeared on earth that they'd be given an equal opportunity to prove they mean well.


"Excuse the outburst, just a little stressed."


"Honestly, I'm still not too scared. From my perspective you all look pretty…adorable."
"…SHOULD I be scared?"


From the sounds and looks of things, Earth is far more dangerous than Equestria.


File: 1364260095386.jpg (129.02 KB, 800x600, 019.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

"I was out of my mind, from those berries. Whatever those rumors were, they aren't true. Excuse the outburst, just a little stressed…" The tailor thinks for a bit, then returns to making the clothes.

A smile comes across her face. "Don't worry about it, I'll just open a tab for you. It's not like you could earn any bits without these, right? Just have to trust you…" you also hear under her breath, "and I don't want to waste these materials…" Standing there in silence since you can't think of anything else to say, you look at the guard. He stands there, probably just waiting until it's over with.

The next several minutes are void of conversation, until you work up the nerve to apologize. "All the generosity I've received has taken the edge off, though I didn't mean to seem arrogant or anything. I'm not even sure if a pony appeared on Earth that they'd be given an equal opportunity to prove they mean well." Even if Earth doesn't have all these apparently supernatural things, the humans would definitely make living there impossible for them. You guess you should be more thankful. "Honestly, I'm still not too scared. From my perspective you all look pretty…adorable." The white pony giggles. "…should I be scared?"

A plain white shirt hovers in front of you. "The Everfree Forest is very dangerous, so you should just stay out of there. You seem like a reasonable… whatever you are, so you should be okay with us. Just know it might take awhile, not everypony is as accepting as I am. Done." One pair of jeans floats underneath the shirt, but it seems… minimal. No belt loops, no pockets, and the front closes with two buttons. "Plain and simple, just like you asked." Maybe you should have taken into consideration that they might not know what you believe to be normal, have to put yourself in their point of view. "The shoes will take awhile, never made something like them. I'll work on it in my free time, come by later and we'll see if it's up to your standard. I would have made it more elaborate, but I appreciate you telling me the truth."

Putting on the clothes under the makeshift toga, and then throwing it to the ground, you admire what you have. No underwear, socks, nor shoes, but it's better. Never thought you would be happy to have just this. "Thank you, this means a lot to me." You don't know what you're capable of yet, but you hope to repay this kindness.

Rarity has a look of worry. "You're welcome, but I can't help but wonder, what are you going to do? I might take you along for some gem hunting, but that's only if you can hold your own… don't want us two being helpless while searching."


I'd think of making or borrowing a weapon, a spear or something if you do plan on helping squiggly horse, but I don't know if the guard accompanying you would like that very much.




Where have you been, anon?

Oh well, we're just getting started. Get comfortable.


"Well, I might be doing some work for…Applejack, I think it was? to pay for the apples I ate earlier, but other than that I have no idea how to make myself useful around here."
>if you can hold your own
"…Know where I can find something sharp and/or pointy?"


If only we arrived with some semblance of Earthly technology.


File: 1364263104125.jpg (112.52 KB, 800x600, 020.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

"Well, I might be doing some work for… Applejack, I think it was? To pay for the apples I ate earlier," thinking about that fruit reminds you how famished you are, might not be able to do any work without something in you, "but other than that I have no idea how to make myself useful around here." Now that you think about it, you could use some water…

She ponders for a second. "…hmm, someone as big as you should be able to do any sort of manual labor like the stallions can. Maybe use your height as an advantage? I'm sure you have some previous work experience on that planet of yours. The fact there are so many must mean you should be good at talking, right?" The thought of being her bodyguard comes back. Since there are so many… monsters here, an image of you wearing armor while using a sword and shield comes to mind. Maybe you've played too many video games…

How are you going to protect? From what you've seen, you're at the bottom of the power struggle. Perhaps some sort of weapon? The idea of using a weapon is unsettling, not only being in a situation where you would have to use one but also putting yourself in danger, not counting the fact you've never used a spear or anything, well, besides pretending as a kid. Where would you get one? From the guard? Seems too short compared to you.

Thinking about what you had with you, none of it seems to be helpful in that situation. A small Swiss army knife on your key chain helped a bit, and your phone passed the time while lost, but nothing like a gun. Maybe the hospital kept them? Technology is definitely what humans used to come on top of the world, but you haven't seen anything familiar on your way here. "Well, thanks for everything, I promise to pay you back somehow."

"It's quite alright, just be sure to take care of yourself." She walks you to the door, but stops. "Oh my… customers?"

Exiting the building, you stop at the doorway. A crowd of ponies are waiting… there's even some with wings hovering in the air. You need to ask how many kinds of them there are when you get the chance. The guard pushes ahead. "Get back! Stay a safe distance away from the human!" They are murmuring and whispering to each other, with you as the conversation piece. A flash catches your attention, you turn to see one of them with a camera attached to some sort of harness. Now there is room between you and them, the noise picks up to a point you can catch words every so often. Several more cameras go off as you stand there.




Duck back inside.



Oh my, all this attention~~~



Maybe ask Rarity if there's a back door and for her to whisper the guard to come around back.


Wave your arms in the air and make a spooky face.
That oughta scatter 'em.


Make like a groundhog and retreat!


Gently close the door.

Turn to Rarity.

Ask if there's a back exit.

If not, jump through a window and hope you don't break anything.


File: 1364263821328.gif (48.13 KB, 387x259, 1291266237463.gif, IO Google TinEye)

Fuck you anon.

Op is going to do that now.


You're welcome!


File: 1364266032625.jpg (239.21 KB, 1280x1024, 021.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

Oh my, all this attention… you hate attention… gotta get out of here, any way possible.

You try to close the door, but Rarity is in the way… fuck it, it's not worth it. "Hey," leaning in close to her, "Do you have a back door?" She gives a questioning look and points. "Tell the guard… I'm sorry for this."

Standing back up, you prepare yourself for what you're about to do. "Damn you paparazzi…" you whisper under your breath before a deep inhale, "OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" You throw your arms up and jump forward. This scares the ponies, they scream and scramble back into each other, some stumbling over the others. A flyer hits another and they both tumble to the ground into the pile. It's like a domino effect if the dominoes also panicked for their very lives. The guard gives you a glare, but you don't care, not dealing with it, now you run. Bolting toward the general direction of the back, you round a corner straight into the kitchen oh shit gotta go fast go the other way door door door why is it so small openpleaseopenopenopFREEEEEEDOOOOOM!


Stay at the back and wait for the guard. Apologize when he shows up.


Wave to the ponies in the sky as you pass by.


pfftt haha


I guess wait for the guard like >>379437 said
wouldn't want to piss him off.

Where we headed next, Applejack's?


The library.


We don't want the royal guard on the alert. wait for him


File: 1364269318087.jpg (88.9 KB, 800x600, 022.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

You close the door and press against it. Hopefully they get the hint and leave you alone. You've always had a fear of interrogation of who you are along with being judged, and this just sent you over the emotional edge. Jesus are your ribs sore. Trying to breath slower, you hear some clicking noises.

The ponies in the sky stare at you, one using a camera. You wave at them as aggressively as possible, but they continue. "STOP!" you hear a familiar voice command. Turning around, you see the guard running with the mob in tow.

Now it's fight or flight. Stay and deal with a pissed of guard along with a horde of ponies wanting answers for who knows what, or run away and hide?


I'm terrible at big decisions
I really don't want to deal with that crowd of angry ponies though so let's bolt. Maybe Applejack's farm or the Library. We'll just have to apologize to the guard later some how.


This guard is un-professional, leading a flash mob towards his charge? -50 dkp.


The guard's probably helpless at this point: the ponies probably know wherever he goes is where Anon is.
He has to run away for now. Guardpony will figure it out eventually.


Humans can run faster over short distances! Book it and find a good hiding spot


We don't really have a choice but to run and curse the voice in our head that made us scare the ponies.


VERY short distances. Equines can easily cover that gap in a few seconds.


Aw come on, it was fun.


You're outvoted, scaring them? Only if it were nightmare night


Duck back inside.


File: 1364270669643.png (104.49 KB, 820x680, lyra faget.png, IO Google TinEye)

>only one person wanted to scare them


File: 1364271057883.gif (537.54 KB, 580x580, Pinkie Pie Cinnamon Toast Crun…, IO Google TinEye)

I'm saying he's wrong, we all didn't want to scare them.


Well, they're kind of short and stumpy.

So maybe we can outrun them.


run, nigga.


Seems everyone is voting run. SO RUN BRO.

And if the guard catches up and tries to stop you, pick him up and run with him.


is it ded


He seems to update two or three times then stops.

So it's probably done tonight.


File: 1364343934705.jpg (372.89 KB, 1280x1024, 023.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

You immediately regret trying to spook them away, but it seemed like a good idea at the time… you really don't like being examined, maybe there's a phobia for it? Looking around, you see that not only is there a group with the guard, but others are coming around the other side, with winged ponies in the air. All this pressure is too much…

In fact, every fiber of your being is telling you to run, so you dart in a random direction. You quickly figure out that even though they're short, they're fast. Commotion fills the air as they all ask questions while trying to close the gap. A commanding voice of the guard pony can also be heard, but it's drowned out in the torrent of noise. The decision of not keeping up your exercise routine takes it's toll and your ribs hurt from trying to keep up your breath. Maybe you can turn faster. Running in between buildings and into alleyways, taking sharp corners helps a little, but the ones in the air make it impossible to shake them. Ponies in the streets get out of the way and don't come near as you sprint for your life. You need to find a place to hide, now. Going up a hill to see what's around, you notice several options while taking in a panoramic view. Many buildings scatter the land, two of which catch your attention, the others blur into each other. One being made of candy with a lit cupcake on the roof, and the other looks like it's built into a giant tree. In the distance, you also see the apple farm and a small cottage next to the forest. Which one…



Book it for the tree first, then the cottage if the tree fails.

If the cottage also fails, retreat back into the Everfree and pray we don't die.


Yeah go for the tree, Twilight can help this mess


File: 1364348813816.jpg (214.51 KB, 1280x1024, 024.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

Looking at the tree, you notice the sign of a book. Hopefully that's the library. Going down the incline to get back into sprinting speed, you shoot straight toward the supposed haven. Knees weak, arms are heavy, the soreness in your ribs is gone, and your vision is starting to get weird. The few ponies you run past becomes blurs of technicolor. Pushed past the exhausted phase and running on fumes and adrenaline, the soles of your feet can't even feel the impact of the ground as the only thing going in your mind is what would happen if you stopped.

The door is open, but you close it as soon as you're through. Back pressed against it, you try to shift out of the gear of… terror. You hardly know yourself, how do you plan to answer them? Noticing green and purple shapes, it's Twilight and… a komodo lizard thing. Next thing you know, there's pounding at the door alongside yelling. You can see their faces pressed against the glass windows… you'd hurl if there was anything in your stomach.


Tell Twilight the townspeople are chasing you and then you need help.

Hopefully she doesn't blow it


Ask her to kindly tell them all to get lost.


Tell her we are terrible with crowds and scared out of our mind.




File: 1364352601263.jpg (234.73 KB, 1280x1024, 025.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

"Twilight…" you fight to say something between huffs of breathing, "they won't… leave me… alone… help me…" They stare at the situation. "Please… I can't deal… with crowds… I'm scared…" The door starts to attempt to heave open as you forgot to lock it behind you. Now it's like they're in a frenzy, fighting to get what they want… you. With on final shove, you stumble forward and fall next to the two. They pour in, and you notice that they start to float beneath you… wait, it's you who's floating up! White flashes go off as they take pictures of the spectacle, then a bright purple light followed by darkness. Disorientation sets in as the hovering feeling gets replaced when a hard floor comes out of nowhere, followed by another weight hitting opposite of it.

As this all settles in, the only thing you hear is your own inhaling and exhaling. All your nerves go numb, can't feel the floor or whatever is on top. "I really wish Twilight wouldn't include me with these things."


"What the fuck was THAT?"


Wait, what happened.

And apparently magic does work on us.
That's… a little disconcerting.


Seems fortunate in this situation


Yeah, but I don't like any possible future usage of it.


what's the worst that could happen?


File: 1364355815110.jpg (1.88 KB, 126x109, 1304885621478.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

Now you gone and done it.


File: 1364355928609.png (176.41 KB, 1000x800, Pinkie What Could Go Wrong.png, IO Google TinEye)


File: 1364359296659.jpg (196.25 KB, 1280x1024, 026.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

Closing your eyes and just taking a moment to return to the land of the living, there is muffled conversations from above. Sitting up when you're good and ready, it's too dark to really make out what's around. Doesn't seem like anything dangerous is happening, so you say the first thing that comes to mind. "What the fuck was THAT?"

The… whatever it is, gives a questioning look. "What was what?" Not knowing how to describe it, you wave your arms in an upward motion then cover your eyes. "Dude, what? Are you talking about the teleportation spell?" Without even thinking, you nod. "Well, it looks like you couldn't handle the situation, so Twilight did it for you. We're in the basement, just wait and she'll let us know when the coast is clear."

"Spell? Like, magic? Dungeons and Dragons kind of stuff?" Now that you think about it, he does look like a tiny dragon…

"Uh, yeah. Don't tell me you don't know anything about magic." You shrug. "For an alien, you sure are… well, I thought you would be green with like, tentacles everywhere and sciencey gadgets… not, this. Twilight told me of some theories about where you're from, but no magic? That just sounds wrong." At least you don't have to deal with that crowd, fortunate in this situation… what about future usage of it?

It saved you, so what's the worst that could happen? …oh no, the things that could happen. Pain beyond pain, existence worse than death. You thought this place was bad enough, but magic?! You were at the bottom of survival as it is, now it's like there's no way you can whatsoever. "My name's Spike. I already know your name, that essay she made me write still has my hand cramped. The way Twilight went on and on about things, it's like you were more important than a shipment of freshly printed new books. Doesn't look like it, running away from a bunch of questions. Why were you so scared? It's not like they're gonna hurt you or anything."


oh shit I thought it was done for tonight.


>Why were you so scared? It's not like they're gonna hurt you or anything.
That's a good question.
Why the fuck did we run.


"It's like you said. We use sciency gadgets."

Because one anon decided it would be funny to start a riot.


sorry about that little guy I just got overwhelmed and scared
so are you like her pet or something?


"We use sciency gadgets, but unfortunately none of it came with me when I arrived here."


You're no fun at all


"I don't handle crowds well…"


Dude, if you keep that kind of shit up it's going to end early with the ponies hating us.


Would you quit taking the quest so damn seriously? The GM wouldn't have gone with it if it really spelled doom for us all. We'll get on amicable terms with our quadrupedal friends soon enough.


Getting us off to a rocky start isn't a good way to go about it dude.


Things will die down eventually. Sure, we're dealing with a bit of a rough start, but just because we incited a riot doesn't mean the ponies still don't like us. They're curious, after all.

Let's harvest some information from the little fella before we get chastised by Twilight.

"Spike, huh? Listen, I've got really, REALLY bad social anxiety, so I tend to get a little kooky when I get surrounded. You know what calms me way down, though? Some spirits. You know where I could find some alcohol?"


Lets refrain from going full retard in the future and scaring the ponies and inciting riots.


File: 1364546629000.jpg (161.97 KB, 1280x1024, 027.jpg, IO exif Google TinEye)

"We use sciency gadgets, but unfortunately none of it came with me when I arrived here." He might be thinking of ray guns and other retro futuristic things rather than what you've grown up with or brought. Now that you think about it, you didn't see a single electrical pole the entire time running through those streets. Considering they have magic, maybe that's what they use instead? Or maybe that's what they call their alternate form of tech?

"I don't handle crowds well… sorry about that little guy, I just got overwhelmed and scared." You know it's more than that, you were terrified, enough to think scaring them and running was a good idea. From what you've seen of them, they weren't going to hurt you, but just the idea of them… extracting not what you are, but WHO you are sparks some sort of primal fear. You've never liked anybody digging into your center, not even yourself. Not wanting to talk nor think about this, you ask, "So are you like, her pet or something?"

He gives you a perturbed glare. "No, I'm her assistant, thank you very much. Her number one assistant. Dragons aren't pets…" Seems like you hit a nerve. He maybe small, but that doesn't mean he doesn't think for himself. For all you know, he could be older than you are… or ever will be.

Trying to get back on his better side, you decide to go back to your problem. "Spike, huh? Listen, I've got really, REALLY bad social anxiety, so I tend to get a little kooky when I get surrounded. You know what calms me way down, though? Some spirits. You know where I could find some alcohol?" Letting your emotions get the better of you and going full retard was a bad idea, but with what's been going on, maybe snapping a little helped to calm the nerves. You do feel a little better, but a drink would help. The assistant gives you a raised eyebrow, but you hear a door open before he says anything.

"Okay, they're gone." Twilight is at the top of a staircase and begins her descent, bringing light with her. With the illumination now here, you see that this is some sort of study room. Shaped like a circle, books line the walls and there are tables with various instruments strewn about. "They won't be following you anymore." Oh thank God. "I set up a press conference after lunch." Oh God no. She says it like it isn't a big deal. "Sounds like you had quite an adventure, and some new clothes too. If you told me, I would of helped. The report was sent to The Princess, is there anything else you need?"



Assuming our stomach has settled? Maybe a snack or some orange juice or something, during which time we can explain to Twilight how she just beefed it due to our social anxiety.


Some food would be fantastic. But no pears, I hate pears


Eh, you know what, social anxiety is overrated, how are we supposed to eventually do BADASS things if we're always freezing up infront of crowds


"Anything I need? How about a fancy teleportation spell like you have? Is there any way you could teach me how to do… magic?"

It's doubtful, but maybe we're a special snowflake human that can Harry Potter himself into some crazy magical shenanigans. Since we don't know ourselves very well and we're in another dimension, we should at least check to see if she can detect some sort of potential deep down inside us.

Other than that, we need food. And water. For food, let's not pick anything with meat in it, considering they're probably vegetarians. Maybe some grilled cheese? Grilled cheese and a glass of milk would be great.


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"Yes, some food would be fantastic. But no pears, I hate pears." There was something always off about them you couldn't understand. Taste is okay, texture is okay, but when put them together… They probably don't have any kind of meat, going to have to have something green. As soon as you get back home, some chicken would be great.

Spike hops off the table. "He also wants some alcohol." He makes his way past Twilight and up the stairs. Doesn't seem bothered by what you are in the least.

"Of course, how silly of me to think I would know what humans digest." She points over at a counter top. "There's some right there." You follow it to several bottles, beakers, vials, and other such chemistry equipment. This seems like a combination if miscommunication and assumption, wrong alcohol. At least you now know they have that branch of science.

Waving your hand in dismissal, you too go up with Twilight behind. "How about something more… organic." Taking a look through the doorway before entering to make sure they're gone, it looks like Twilight told the truth. "Last thing I remember eating were those berries and AJ's apples." Now that you think about it, how long were you out?

"I know just the cafe, we were just about to get something there." She takes the lead. "I wonder what kind of things they'll ask. I bet I'll even learn something from you standing in front of everypony answering questions."

"Twilight, I don't want to." She turns her head, but you answer before she asks why. "I'm not comfortable with them trying to figure out who I am."

"They want to know what you are, not who you are. It'll be easy, I do speeches all the time. It's not like you have something to hide, right?" She continues walking with you and Spike down the road. Ignoring the looks you get, you think about why you were so scared. It wasn't that it was a social situation, nor the fact it was a crowd… Maybe it was that it was forced? Like trying to pull an animal out of it's hole, it made you panic. Now that you have time, you should be ready. It's not like a shrink trying to dig into you or anything, but a few questions to yourself would help.


As the three of you sit on… mushrooms, looking at the spotted patterns and wondering if it's real, menus appear out of nowhere. "Hello Twilight and guests…" A pony wearing a suit front, but no suit, along with cuffs and slick blue hair is next to the table. "I'm guessing this is the alien I've heard so much about? Well, any customer with Twilight is fine with me." Flipping through the pages, you realize you can't read this language. At least you can speak it, who knows what being here would be like without that.

"They never have any jewels…" Spike says, annoyed, without even looking at his options. "I'll just have another order of extra crispy hay fries…"

"A daisy sandwich with raspberry cream soda." The purple pony says, also not looking at her menu. Seems like they know this place well.

You decide to take a stab in the dark. "Um, a glass of milk, two grilled cheese, and tomato soup." Giving the waiter a smile while he looks at you, he eventually takes the menus and leaves. Now waiting for the food, you decide to ask some questions. "So Twilight, I didn't know you ponies could do magic. Do you think it'll be possible to teach me to do some?"

"…you don't have magic on your planet?" She asks.

Spike pips in, "That's what I said too."

"I wonder what an entire planet without it is like… how does your star go around your planet?" That didn't even make sense. "Well, couldn't hurt to try. My special talent is magic after all, if anypony could teach you, it's me. Honestly, I wasn't sure the teleportation spell would work."



"My world is pretty barren. We substitute magic with electricity. Do you know what that is?"



Tell her that it's hard to wrap your head around how some things can be magic and some things aren't. Does a powerful unicorn make things fall, or gravity?


I like this, it's less presumptious than saying we substitute magic with electricity


Well yea, finding a smg and going around capping ponies like it's CoD can be fun too, but we don't really know the attitude of this setting well enough to judge that


er, ignore that, for some reason the msg i replied to just popped up at the bottom, making that kinda sound out of left field


Ah, looks like we're getting somewhere. Perhaps our dreams of becoming a LVL 43 Sorcerer are possible yet!

While food is being prepared, I think we should try to learn a little more about how she performs magic. That might give us some insight on how we're going to be able to use it.

"It usually takes a little while for food to get here, right? Think we could try some magic before we eat… what time is it… lunch?"


We might want to clarify that whole alcohol thing with Twilight. It'd be a shame if we couldn't get buzzed with our new pony friends.

"Do ponies drink alcohol?"

Seems like an innocent enough question.

Also, earlier, she said she sent in a report to her sun goddess… which means that she didn't just go to a temple and pray to some religious figure, but instead sent it to an actual living, breathing sun manipulating deity. You think we should ask her if we'd ever get a chance to meet a living god pony?


Or she sent it to her version of the pope. she's the closest thing to a pope in equestria until she becomes a god


That's true. It could indeed still be some religious figure. Regardless, it might be kind of cool to bring up the Sun Princess later on. I'd think it'd be interesting to meet her sometime.


Mmm, if we're going on the assumption that Anon's not a brony, then we need to be careful not to get out meta in our reeses


Hey, we're just thinking critically here. We've heard Twilight mention that she sent a report about us to some 'Princess Celestia' that controls their sun and that she's a student of hers. She's also the ruler of 'Equestria', this weird land we've been thrown into. If a sun princess doesn't make for interesting conversation, then I don't know what does.

I'm not going to use any meta whatsoever; if I hear info, then I've heard info. If you hear about it in the quest from a character, you can use it.


We could ask how dragons eating gemstones works. What if they're like candy


That might give us something else to try eating, so that'd be a good idea. The more we know about the world, the better chance we have of living comfortably.

"Jewels? As in like… rubies and sapphires? Are those really edible here?"


I guess we do keep hearing Twilight mention the Princess, so she'd be the one to ask


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"My world is pretty barren. We substitute magic with electricity. Do you know what that is?" Taking a look around, there aren't any electrical poles or anything that looks like it runs on it.

"Of course, it's a natural occurring scientific fact. We can harness it, but there's no need to like it sounds humans do. I guess you could do so if there wasn't magic." She ponders. "An electric driven planet… I need to remember to bring paper when I'm around you Anon." Looking down at nothing in particular, Twilight talks to herself out loud. "Everything runs on electricity… how can you move the sun with that? I bet when we go there, we can use it too…"

Deciding to break her thoughts, you say, "It's hard to wrap my head around how some things can be magic and some things aren't. Does a powerful unicorn make things fall down or gravity?"

With a giggle, she answers, "No Anon, gravity is another natural force. Do they not teach science there? I would think if humans do everything on electricity, it would be very important to understand." Maybe you should have listened more in school. Maybe Twilight isn't seeing things from your side, speaking in the matter-of-fact style. "Mmm, the amount of science that will be acquired…" saying while staring at the sky and spacing out. Maybe she isn't the most socially graceful pony… Giving Spike a questioning look, he just nods and rolls his eyes. Seems like he has to put up with this all the time.

"It usually takes a little while for food to get here, right? Think we could try some magic before we eat… what time is it… lunch?" This snaps the daydreamer out of her's and into yours of being a sorcerer.

"Oh, sure! What do you want to do?" You give a shrug. "Okay, try this." A flower from the vase levitates out and lays in front of you. She just smiles and waits. Not knowing what else to do, you concentrate on it. Imagine the flower moving… floating up… see it in your mind… with every last fiber of your being focusing, the flower moves up. Before you burst with happiness, you notice Twilight is doing it from the glow of the flower and her horn. She puts it back with the rest nonchalantly. "Food's here." Maybe you'll try later…


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Two ponies, the waiter from earlier and another one who's keeping their distance from you, place everything down. With everything done, he says something, but you are too transfixed on what you are about to devour. As soon as Twilight levitates her flower sandwich and takes a bit, you nearly inhale one of your grilled cheese. Oh dear God this is amazing. Finishing it all like a madman, you notice the other two staring. Taking the hint, you start to enjoy your soup slowly. "So, do ponies drink alcohol?"

"Are you talking about things like cider and wine?" Since they know what these are, it answers your question, but you nod anyway. "Yes, if we want to. Special occasions and the like, I'm sure humans are the same." You wonder if there are alcoholic ponies, of if they even know what it means to use it too much.

Piecing together some information about the Sun God and knowing that magic works here, you ask, "How long until we get an answer from the Princess? Also, does she move the sun? You keep saying things that make it seem like it's not supposed to do it on it's own." She could just be something like the Pope, and they just think she has power like the Pharaohs of Egypt.

"Yes," Twilight responds in between bites, "she controls the sun. Spike sent it to her after I was done writing, so it's just a matter of time before we get something back. I wonder if she'll want to meet you? I mean, with what finding another planet could mean, she would! And she'll be soooo proud of me!" Once again she looses herself in her thoughts with the biggest smile of happiness.

You decide to leave her to it. "Spike, earlier you said something about jewels? As in like, rubies and sapphires? Are those really edible here?"

He's already done with his food, so you let him take over while you finish. "Well, dragons are tough with great teeth. I've never heard of a pony who could eat gems, but if you wanna try, why not? I mean, you already ate like, two meals." With that, you finish everything. Now that you're full, you wonder why you didn't eat earlier? You feel so much better…


Hmm… it seems like she's using that horn to control her magical abilities and lift the flower up. Just for kicks, let's trace a finger up her horn.

"So… do you think I could actually learn magic or do I need one of these in order to do so?"

The idea of being able to manipulate a supernatural force even in the slightest is fascinating. I'd be content if we could just push around a mote of dust with our mind. Anything more would be a treat!


It seems that maybe gemstones aren't really all that edible. Perhaps Spike is the only one that can actually eat stuff like that. Best not to try and end up breaking our teeth on a rock.

>"Everything runs on electricity… how can you move the sun with that? I bet when we go there, we can use it too…"

…when we go there? What's she talking about?Maybe she's fantasizing about going to our homeworld, but as far as we know, we're not even in the same dimension as our planet right now. That's curious of her to say something like that.

We know we came here from the Everfree Forest, so Twilight didn't have anything to do with our initial arrival in Equestria, but maybe she knows something about interstellar/interdimensional travel? Mentioning something like that seems significant, so we might want to take a few notes on that ourselves.


Do you go around touching others usually?


I'm suspecting we'll be of the "weak frail and powerless" human, which makes me sad a bit… in my jolly parts. Or of course the OP could be arbitrarily assigning powers we do or do not have as they become relevant or we ask.

But on the other hand leaves us to be resourceful! And if there's something random internet forums are known for being, it's resourceful!

I think Twilight mentioned at one point planning on going to our planet, we probably should quell that plan. Humans don't usually have the best track record with expansion, even (in science fiction) cross-dimensional entirely benevolent expansion, especially going by fanfics.

I figure that Twilight might give us some spending money or at least tell us where to earn some if we tell her we're interested in working to pay for our debts. Which includes those sandwiches and the soup we ate


Is Anon aware he's a conglomeration of multiple humans thoughts and advice put into human persona?


Sure do. Touch is a great way to establish trust with other people. A hand on the shoulder, for example, can be the difference between convincing someone that you're honest and sincere and them outright ignoring what you have to say.

I'm more or less just wanting to see how she reacts, to be quite perfectly honest. It'd give us some insight as to how great a role 'touch' plays in communication in their society. If she sees it as weird, we won't make the same mistake with any other ponies.


Fair enough, we'll milk the "we're an alien" and "empirical data seemed the quickest way to find out"


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>we're still a useless squishy fleshbag


Yea… my power fantasy not that kind goes unsatisfied


>twilight implying she wants to visit our world
Woah now, lets tell her not to be too hasty now.

I agree with what this guy said
Best to quell that idea. If she opens up a portal or some shit that allows humans through, that could be the end of their world as they know it.


Yeah, I know how you feel. As useless in this world as the next, it seems.


Not quite~! Emotions have physical power in Equestria! Maybe our extreme depression from being completely powerless in our own perception will cause an aura of sad complete with wavey anime lines


It wouldn't be half as bad if we had some of our tech with us.

It should still be fun, though, even if we are just basically a temporary novelty to the ponies.


Did our anon have anything on him when the adventure started?


His clothes.

We don't even have those anymore, just the new ones made for us.


She questioned our Science powers… She Questioned our SCIENCE!


Well Excuuuse me, we don't have the power to transform energy into molecules yet, that kind of makes things like moving the sun non-viable


what the fuck are you doing

stop being shitty towards the ponies


Oh, right, shit, our anon can't keep his mouth shut and says whatever asinine things we comment on!


I was in "spur good comments" mode :X


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Wait, what happened to the guard?

He can't be very happy.


He's probably still looking for us, and on his way, after all there aren't many humans around Ponyville to be confused with… … Right?


He gonna be mad as fuck when he finds us.


We went straight to the Library, he probably saw us go in, so he can't be THAT mad


We ran from a damn guard man. That's like running from the police, you don't do that.

And we aren't doing ourselves any favors, running from ponies.
We're making our whole race look like a bunch of little pansy asses.


If you run at someone, they will run. It's natural.
Also a herd of ponies probably looks an awful lot like a stampede, which are terrifying.


A stampede of midgets.


well dying to a midget stampede is no less demeaning than dying to a normal stampede, because you're still dead


Why don't you just plow through the ponies like a MAN?


well, mainly physics


This is Equestria.

Our physics doesn't apply.


>Our physics doesn't apply.



Better get this out of the way while we are on the topic of foods, since no man could bear the weight of this question on his shoulders for too long.

"What about meat? You know, burgers and stuff?"


Bless you anon, doing God's work.


Sentient pigs and cows make a lot of dishes un-appetizing… well, they'd probably still be delicious, but they'd be horrifying in context


I'd still eat them.



well now we've gone full forum troll on her, I can't wait to see Twilight's reaction


The knowledge that they can think and speak just makes it all the more delicious


And suddenly Anonymous was the warlocks.


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It will be hilarious.
If she questions us or asks us if we're joking, we should curl back a lip and show her some sexy canines.


No no no.

Run our tongue to the tip of our sexy canines.

We really should tell her that no meal is real without some sort of juicy dead animal carcass.


what happened to "stop making the ponies hate us"?


it depends, if OP is going to post every comment we make, then eventually someone is going to fuck up and say something they think is funny, but would make anonymous look evil to the ponies, so why not go full bore and become the villian of the story? villians get better toys anyways


on the other hand, he might decide to ignore all the stupid things posted!
Although the worst thing I posted was about her questioning our science, until this whole eating meat business came up, but that's mostly context, and this >>385132


>>385141 … on the other HOOF


First of all, humans are omnivores, so it is perfectly reasonable to ask about meat.
In fact, a perfectly healthy human diet has some sort of meat in it.

Following up on that, I am sure Twilight can take a joke.


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Twilight puts a few gold coins on the table and gets up to leave. Those must be bits… you make a mental note to somehow pay her back for the meal. Spike does too, so you follow back to the library.

Now that you think about it, maybe it's their horns. Remembering Rarity's glowed, and now Twilight's does too, it makes sense. The instinct to touch it nearly happens, but you still yourself. Would it be okay to do it? Well, you don't know how ponies react to being touched, and it could be considered an invasion of personal space, but since Twilight seems to be the curious experimenter sort, you decide to satisfy your curiosity and test that boundary. If anything happens, you'll just blame being new to their ways. Reaching out and feeling it, you ask, "So… do you think I could actually learn magic or do I need one of these in order to do so?" You'd do anything to be able to do magic. All those fantasy stories and games would become a reality.

She isn't taken back by it, just looks up while you let your fingertips move around. "Yes… well, generally. It acts as a catalyst for magic." It glows and a sensation courses through your finger. Returning your hand back, she continues, "From my studies, I think everything has a spark of magic in it, unicorns can just manipulate it. We'd have to do some experiments to see if humans can too."

“I'd be happy if I can do any sort of magic. It's a fantasy back on Earth, countless stories and myths have been made about it.” As you look down at Spike, you add, “Even dragons too.”

“I can't wait to learn everything about your world. Maybe even a whole new branch of science will be made! Humanology?” And once again, she gets lost in thought. Seems to happen anytime that pony thinks of something so open as the possible.


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The idea of humans destroying everything comes to mind. Sure, you and maybe a few others would be fascinated by all this, but the entire race? All those sci-fi stories about cross dimensional integration ends in ruin. Ponies seem to be very open, while humans on the other hand… If you're going to be an ambassador to humankind, you've got to think of some way to handle this inevitable situation. How can you ensure the safety of everything involved?

You couldn't even ensure your own safety… well, it's not like you were able to survive in the wild back on Earth either. Remembering the days spent wandering the Everfree Forest, not knowing how you got there nor what to do, reminds you of being a squishy fleshbag. It wouldn't be so bad if you brought some things with you. A decent knife, tent, spare clothes, a book on how to survive so you had something to go off of…

What if you can't get back? The thought was there before, but now this tangent of thinking returns that idea. The ponies seem to be okay with you being part of their society, but could you? A new life amongst them would mean leaving everything behind. Friends, family, possessions, goals, dreams…


You don't know of any sort of science that could bring you here, but it looks like humans have more of it then they do. Of course, they have magic, so perhaps they are above such things. Maybe a combination of the two will create something that can fix your situation. You never thought you would be an alien on some strange supernatural planet, if you did, you would have learned more about something that would bring you back. Twilight said she sent a message to the ruler of this place, and will receive a response, so it seems like those more capable than you will find out something. It's not helping you now, so might as well not worry about it.

Oh no, the guard. He's going to be pissed when he finds you. There might even be some sort of law you broke and you didn't even know. Well, he saw us go into the library, so it can't be that bad. Perhaps Twilight convinced him that he wasn't needed anymore. Maybe he got tired of babysitting you, he was vocal about how he hated it.


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You've been thinking too much, time to get back to conversation. "What about meat? You know, burgers and-”

“-and here he is!” The sound of the gathering of ponies all stomping an cheering makes you notice what's going on. Wait, weren't we going to the library? Fuck, you were lost in thought so much that you didn't even notice where you were being led. There's a crowd of ponies looking at you, waiting and talking amongst themselves. They don't look scared, more like excited now that you're here. A brown pony with grey mane and tail walks down the stairs. “Right on time,” she says, “I already said my part of the speech. Have to say that it was good, considering I didn't have long to make it. They're ready for you.”

Standing there trying to take this all in, Twlight tells you, “Get up there and say something!” You didn't think of anything to say, even though you made a mental note to do so, you have nothing. Gotta think fast…



"Uh, hi."



Silently wave and watch as they are entranced by your strange gesture.


I fucking hate you people so much.

Assure them that you are peaceful and mean to do no harm, and to integrate into their society as best as we can, for the time being at least, until we can find a way back to our planet.


Time to impress the crowd

After they initially take in your sight after saying hi, raise your hand into a peace sign with your fingers all there and visible, and tell them that you are the ambadassors of the glorious human master race and that you come in peace!


"Hello…I'm not really used to giving speeches, but…er, my name is Anon…I'm a human. I hope that we can all get along and be friends and…stuff…yeah, that's all I got."


Perhaps leave out the "master" part
and the "glorious", modesty is a virtue.
I do not have super strength (as far as we know), cannot spit acid (as far as we know), and cannot cast spells (again, as far as we know)


I wanted to keep this short, so I will answer one question. (whatever the question is give a one word answer) Done! *exeunt*


No sense trying to hide how awkward this all is, so here's a potential opener.

"Uh. Hi. You can call me Anonymous, or Anon if you'd like. I'm a human, I'd guess I'm pretty harmless compared to all but the youngest or oldest of you, and I'm quite severely lost. I don't know how I got here, or even where 'here' is, and as a result I don't know how to get back home."

Tack a short Q&A session onto that, reassure folks that you're absolutely clueless about how things work, and make a public apology to anyone who was around when you spooked that mob earlier. Should go over decently well.


Perfect! Say this.


Take a deep breath, calm your nerves and try not to stutter.

"Hello everyone, my name is Anonymous, or Anon for short. I have no formal experience in public speaking, and because this was on such short notice, I don't have a speech prepared. I can tell you my species is known as 'humans,' I have absolutely no idea how I arrived here, and my memories are still somewhat hazy. That said, I believe this will go smoothest if I get straight to answering questions."

This place seems mostly peaceful and friendly, other than the farmers putting you in the hospital for stealing their crops. Try to show some civility, dammit.

By which I mean fail horribly and start stuttering on the first question. duhur


>inb4 he blurts out some nonsensical mix of all the speeches


This would irritate me to death.


"Hello. Well, first off, my name is… actually, I really don't remember. I guess that makes me Anonymous, so you can call me Anon for short." Not sure about rest though.


Let's put on our best smile and open with a gentle wave of our hand. Gesture a few times for the ponies to contain their excitement as you focus on a few words to deliver.

"Greetings, my future friends! My name is Anonymous… but you can call me Anon for short. As you can see, I'm a pretty weird looking creature, formally known as a 'human'. I know my stature may appear a little intimidating, but I can assure you that I'm as friendly as they come. Sure, I may have been a little 'scared' when I first arrived…" Wiggle your bandaged up arm for the crowd to see, but not too much. "…but now that I've had the chance to meet just a few of you wonderful ponies, I think that we're going to get along swimmingly."

"It may take a little while to get used to each other's customs, but I hope that over the course of my stay here that we may all grow to love and understand one another as equals."

After the applause or formal silence, add that you'll be willing to try and answer any questions they may have. That should get them warmed up to us a little.


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A lot of thoughts on how to approach this come to mind, some in fragments, some more complete than others, but none of them are about running away. After taking some time to clear your head and get some food in you, the realization that they are just curious finally gets through. Taking a deep breath, you walk towards the podium. Halfway there, they quiet down and get ready to hear what you have to say.

"Uh, hi." You wave and give a smile. Some of the ponies are looking at your hand rather than you, so you make a peace sign. "I come in peace." Remembering this is an old movie thing that aliens did, the hand gesture probably doesn't translate as well. Feeling awkward, you decide to go all out. "Hello everyone, my name is Anonymous, or Anon for short. I have no formal experience in public speaking, and because this was on such short notice, I don't have a speech prepared. I'm a pretty weird looking creature, formally known as a 'human'. I have absolutely no idea how I arrived here, and my memories are still somewhat hazy. I know my stature may appear a little intimidating, but I can assure you that I'm as friendly as they come. Sure, I may have been a little scared when I first arrived," you raise your bandaged arm and point to it, "but now that I've had the chance to meet just a few of you wonderful ponies, I think that we're going to get along swimmingly as friends. Yes, I am an alien, and I just want to get back home. It may take a little while to get used to each other's customs, but I hope that over the course of my stay here that we may all grow to love and understand one another as equals. That said, I believe this will go smoothest if I get straight to answering questions… and before anybody asks, I do not have super strength, can't spit acid, and cannot cast spells. Those rumors are false."

You hope that went well. After a short while, they begin to talk amongst themselves, then they raise their voices so you can hear. You can't hear every single one, they come flooding in without a chance to answer.

"How do you balance on two hooves?"
"Can I see your spaceship?"
"What if you can't get back to your planet?"
"Well, I think he bleeds acid."
"His clothes look weird."
"Did you shave off your coat on purpose?"
"Is it true that those tentacles on the end of your hoof elongate and you use them to eat the brains of ponies?"
"Where's his cutie mark?"
"I still can't get over how he stands."
"Are other humans coming?"
"Oh, do a trick! Something amazing!"
"Where is he going to stay?"
"Are you part machine?"
"What if he's nothing but machine?!"
"Well, if you aren't strong, what are you?"
"I say we send him to Canterlot."
"Did the Princess say anything?"
"Seriously, look at how he's standing!"



Practice from birth
No spaceship
Then I stay here
Human blood is actually slightly alkaline
You look weird
Humans have very fine fur, not entirely hairless
A butt
Deal w/ it
At some kind pony's house, hopefully
beep boop
sounds lovely
Watch and awe


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One at a time, please. I can't answer when being bombarded by questions.

Maybe start picking people out of the audience to answer their questions individually.


"One question at a time, please…okay, raise your hoof and I'll call on you."


"Hold on! Everyone, please! I can't answer all of your questions at the same time!"

Just get them to calm down first, then take one of the questions you think you heard and answer it. That should get things moving smoothly.

"I think I heard someone ask if I shave my… uh… 'coat' on purpose. While some humans are slightly hairier than others, what you see here is pretty average and natural for a human male. As a species, we don't grow much hair on our bodies; instead, we've always worn clothes to keep warm.

Next question? Please, raise your han- uh… hooves, and I'll answer you one at a time. No questions about special powers or scary mutant zombie brain eating, please."


Humans are bipedal mammals.

I don't have a spaceship. Again, I have no idea how I arrived here.

Then I suppose I would have to settle down here instead.

The average pH value of human blood is roughly 7.4

I'm not an expert on fashion.

Humans have a very small amount of body hair, which is why we wear clothes.

They're fingers. We use them for fine manipulation. That's it. They're probably even a good degree more mundane than Spike's fingers over there.

What's a cutie mark?

Again, biped.

Not to my knowledge.

Sorry, I can't think of anything that would be entertaining.

That's something I suppose I'll be discussing with Twilight.

If I am, it's been kept secret from me all my life.

But not really no, I'm a meaty bag of water like most mammals.

Humans as a race made up for their faults with technological prowess, and there's a lot of different kinds. It's also hard to measure my strength accurately given I just got out of the hospital.

What is Canterlot?

To my knowledge, she has not gotten word out this way yet.

Again, biped.

>inb4 Anon answers every question in sequence and then tells everyone to slow down anyways. Or vice versa.


It blew up
>Then I can't get back to my planet
Why are you interested is my blood?
>I thought Rarity did a rather good considering the circumstances
I was in a wood-chipper accident
It's in the shape of a crown on my left asscheek
>I can't get over how you're all so short
I hope not
>I could be quiet, that seems a rare skill (I could be the new world champ!)
In a tree
>There's nothing wrong with cyborgs
Some of my best friends are cyborgs
I didn't know ponies valued muscle so much, I'll be sure to workout
I have yet to hear from your heathen god, frankly I'm starting to doubt she exists


Whoops, it takes skill to fuckup green-texting every second line, but I managed it


"How's THIS for amazing?"
Do that trick where you pretend to detach your thumb. You know the one.


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Forgot pic


We would need to be closer to do that.


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We could always do this one


Let's save the magic tricks until after the Q&A portion of the show.


I actually like this one better than the list I gave >>387018
But I felt if I didn't provide a list I wouldn't be "in" with the cool kidz


But our best trick is getting off the stage. And that should also be our #1 goal.
I wonder if it's too late to convince the ponies we're just an earth pony under a curse…


Let's raise them hands and hold them up.
"Now hold your horses, could you slow down with the questions a little? Let's go one question at a time from now on, okay?"

But I guess we can answer most by >>386972
for now.


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Holding up your hands to get their attention, you say, "Hold your horses," the pun hits you, but decide to carry on, "every…pony quiet down. We'll do one at a time…"

Before you know it, time flies by as you answer what they ask. A few things don't make sense, so you ask questions in turn. Most of them are basic things on both sides, with some seemingly comical ones scattered about. Eventually the whole thing becomes an informal gathering with you as the conversation piece, almost like friends getting to know each other for the first time. Twilight was right, they're asking what you are, not who, so it's not as bad as you thought it was going to be. When you notice hours have gone by of just talking, a sense of ease takes place. With the sun gone and a better understanding of where you are, it's a peace you've not felt in a long time.

"So, are you ready to go? I told you it would be easy." Twilight finishes writing whatever on the parchment, and then you notice the guard. He does not look happy, but she continues, "Wow, with everything you've said, I'm going to have to write another report! This changed some of my theories, I hope the Princess doesn't mind. Oh well, I am making a whole new field of study after all. Humanology! Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"


Humanology is a nice ring to it, yeah.
Also, sorry guard.

I assume we left out the darker parts of humanity since the ponies aren't trying to crucify us yet.


"Good. As long as you don't want to include vivisection. If you do, count me out."


We should make it as horrible sounding as we can and then say how much better we are than the rest.

And ask Twilight when can we meet Caprisun.


We should apologize to the guard.


>We should make it as horrible sounding as we can and then say how much better we are than the rest.

Surely nothing could go wrong.


We should totally apologize to the guard, 'cause seriously. That was a dick move on our part.


But that is terrible and stupid.


Seconding apologising to the guard for losing it when we were suddenly crowded.
It's getting late. We'll have to ask Twilight about somewhere to spend the night.

And another "Don't do this yet" to the first part of this post.

>Your request looks automated



One example doesn't exactly warrant a field of study, I sincerely hope you don't plan on looking for more humans.


Not yet of course.
A bit later, in private.
Just Twilight and Anon, having a completely serious talk.
These things can't be sweeped under the rug forever.


We mean it sounds extremely pretentious and vain.


If nothing else, it will be an interesting history lesson for her


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While approaching the guard, you try to think of a way to apologize. "Hey, sorry for running earlier… it was a dick move on my part." Can't really think of anything else to add. Sounds weak.

"I don't care why you did it," he says while giving you a glare, "I'm not going to babysit you. From what I've seen, you aren't a threat to anypony, just yourself. It's past my shift, but don't think the guards aren't going to let you get away with something because you are an alien. Ms. Sparkle, before I leave, I'm reminding you what you said about being responsible for him. Goodnight." Before anybody has a chance to respond, he leaves. How short he was about it, he must have been tired of you. As far as you're concerned, it's one less thing.

With the guard now gone, you turn to Twilight. "Humanology sounds good, as long as you don't include vivisection. Although, one example doesn't exactly warrant a field of study. I sincerely hope you don't plan on looking for more humans."

"Why not? There's a whole planet full of them! You may be one example, but from everything I've observed and theorized, once we're able to communicate it'll be a paradigm shift of all ponykind! And humankind too, I suppose. This is too important not to take seriously."

From what you've seen of this place, ponies aren't as… you don't even know how to put it, bad? Disrespectful? Closed-minded? Paranoid? Whatever it is, you left out human's darker side when you were talking. None of them asked anything about it, so you didn't bring it up. They seem softer, in a sense, and you don't want them to crucify you as some sort of demon, but the enthusiastic purple pony does not seem to have thought of how this could all go wrong.

"Listen, Twilight," trying to bring this up as subtle as possible, "what if the humans aren't ready for this? Did you ever think they might reject how you think things will happen?"

She gives a questioning look. "Why would they? Humans sound like they're smart, considering how much they rely on science. Only something afraid of the betterment for all would be scared. This is serious business! As a pony of logic, I will personally see that this happens the right way." Sounds like you're either going to have to break her fantasy or let her have it.

"Okay, when can I meet Celestia? Maybe she has a different idea." Maybe she'll listen to you better than this pony does. "If it's that important, she should make the decision."

"Of course the Princess would agree with me! She's very busy, but I know she'll want to discuss all this with you. If I had to guess, she's probably as eager as I am."

"Alright, but right now I'm beat. Where am I going to spend the night?"

"Let's see," she begins to list places, "you could go back to the hospital, or maybe the guards would let you sleep in a cell? There's an inn you could use. Since this is all temporary, you could use my basement, if you're okay with that."


We could just take the basement, I don't know if wandering around town ourselves late at night would be a good idea.
Plus we already have a history of fucking things up so.


We're could overnight in the hospital, our arm is still in a cast, as flimsy an excuse that is.
Prison cells don't sound nice, mention our surprise that it's a suggestion. (of course OOC I imagine Equestrian prison cells don't see much use, so they're probably pretty posh)
Do we comfortably fit in Pony beds? Staying at the inn would probably get us more socialization and calls to adventure, but we have no monies.
Twilight's basement sounds stuffy, and I just have this suspicion if we sleep there she's going to cast some seal on the door we have to wait for her to remove in the morning… Or inhumane experiments, pick your paranoia.


… Cont.
> Inn, but we don't have money
> Hospital, they might not want us in there if we're stable (hehehe)
> Twilight's basement
> Prison (The guards might razz us, imagine four guards sneaking into our room and holding us down with a blanket while they pummel us with their soft fluffy pillows of punishment, how horrifying)



I vote basement. It must be nice and quiet in the library at night.



Accursed basement dwelling anti-socialists!
If I weren't so paranoid about sleeping in the same building as Twilight [spoilers]Pheonix Rises[/spoilers], that's probably what I'd pick


Good to know I still fail







I vote hospital or inn.

Come on guys, there is nothing comfortable in living in basements.


Dude, if the basement is finished - that is, it looks like any other room - it can be quite comfortable.


did you mean "furnished"?


Not the point here.


I'm sure living in a basement will help a lot in integrating into pony society.


Finished means that there's hung drywall, a ceiling, and flooring of some kind. Basically, no exposed beams or wiring or shit like that. Imagine what a room looks like before anyone moves into a home and you'll have the right idea.

Furnished would be nice, but something like a yoga mat and a sleeping bag or blankets would be enough so long as the basement is finished.


But why when we can have rooms with fucking beds?


I actually ordered thee by preference and what we should ask about


The other options are:
Inn: We don't have money, so that's out.
Hospital: We don't need medical care.
Prison: nigga do you want to get shanked by a pony or something jesus


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Giving it some thought, you start to weigh each option. The hospital could take you back, but all you have is a heavily bandaged arm, not a cast or anything needing medical care. Ribs are still sore, but otherwise fine. Being under lock and key doesn't sound good at all. "A prison? Seriously Twilight?"

"It's not a prison, it's a cell." That makes it sound so much better. "Technically, you are important to the possibility of the betterment of Ponykind, so the guards should let you use one." Doesn't make it sound anymore pleasant.

An inn sounds good, but you don't have any money. This being broke business is really annoying. That only leaves…

The basement. Being a basement dweller is far from your idea of living, but it is only temporary. The thought of her doing some inhumane experiments and having a magical seal on the door crosses your mind. She could lock you away forever, trying to pry out more and more "scientific facts" like a mad scientist who found something to obsess over. So far, she is kind of laying on the observation of you pretty thick. Twilight seems nice, but it's not paranoia if it's right, right? "So, the basement, I'm guessing it's going to be cold and without a bed."

"I turned it into a private study area, where I can do my experiments in peace." If she knew what was going on in your head, that statement would sound a lot worse than she intended. "It has temperature control, and I'll just turn a pillow or something bigger for you." Magic solves everything, and probably causes most problems. Turning to start heading back to the library, at least you hope so this time, she says, "So, tell me what happened so far. It should be interesting to hear things from your perspective."

While walking besides her, you recollect everything that's happened. "Well, at first I thought I went crazy from seeing ponies instead of people. I even tried to shoot lasers out my eyes. When you were talking about Celestia, I thought it was some sort of idol, not a real pony, like you were part of a clergy and was going to pray for an answer. That guard was not happy about you telling him to chaperone." She stifles a laugh. "Not having any clothes, it's the first thing I wanted, more so than food. Having nothing but a sheet wrapped around me, the guard began to lead me to Rarity's shop, but with no bits. The thought came of selling my body for science, you know, since you were so interested that maybe somepony would pay me."

Twilight laughs this time. "I don't think that would work. I'm the best pony qualified for this, and I'm not going to pay you. It's all out of philanthropy! But really, clothing rather than food?"

"You offered food, but left me alone with that guard." Her expression changes to one of guilt while her ears pin back. "But that's fine, not having any clothes kept my mind off hunger. That is, until that apple pony reminded me of what I took from her orchard. She didn't even care I was an alien! I made a promise to somehow pay back what I took. She seems very protective of that farm." With a smile and rolling of her eyes, Twilight makes it seem like you have no idea.

Entering the giant tree, Twilight's horn glows a faint purple and some blankets and pillows float out of a room moments later. "Help yourself to anything here. Spike and I sleep up on the second floor, so don't worry about waking us." Going through the basement door and descending the stairs, she turns to you. "Go on, I want to hear the rest."


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"That guard wasn't talkative at all, so it left me some time to think, like how am I able to exist here? For all I know, some sort of foreign parasite could be slowly killing me right now, or this is all a made up reality and I'm in a coma." While still levitating your bedding, she also moves what's down here around to make room with no apparent strain of effort.

"Simple, if you weren't able to exist here, you wouldn't be here to question it." She says it in a matter of fact way while laying down a blanket. The aura brightens as it starts to become… fluffier. The pillow and another blanket lay on top of the makeshift futon. "I'm sorry, but this is the best I can do for your size. Wasn't expecting an alien to sleep here, or anything big now that I think about it. It's a library, not a bed and breakfast. Go on…" she sits and waits for more.

Picking up were you left off, you continue your tale. "I asked the guard a few of the questions I had rattling in my head, about if there's ever been aliens before." You stop before telling her what humans would do if an alien came to Earth like how you told the guard. "Meeting Rarity was interesting, she seems very formal. The way she looked and talked intricately about things and seeing her works shows off a lot of heart… now that I think about it, maybe she was trying to persuade me to help her with generosity. When I offered to help gem hunt, she tried to flatter me. Her disposition did change after I dismissed those rumors…" Realizing you are wondering out loud, the pony listening might not appreciate you second guessing the potentially manipulative pony. "The clothing helps a lot, I'm grateful for them. I should have been more precise about what I wanted though. Now, we talked about a minotaur, which gets me thinking how me and you can talk about something like that and we both understand it, and how we're able to communicate to begin with."

"I've been wondering the same thing. Maybe whatever brought you here also filled in the gaps of your mind about what things are?" The idea that something rearranged your brain is probably more horrific the more you think about it. "But whatever the reason, it really helps smooth things out. Can you imagine what it would be like if you couldn't speak Equestrian?"

You've never thought of that. "Yea, it would have made things a lot more awkward. Anyway, after a small existential burst, I found myself cornered by a flock of ponies. It seemed like a good idea at the time, so I scared them and ran." She gives you a look of your decision is retarded what the hell. "I know, I know. Caught up in the moment and all that. Thought they were going to judge me, so I eventually ran back here. You know the rest, so I'll stop."

"Why did you run?" Apparently she wants an answer. "I can imagine if we chased you and you didn't know what we were, but seriously?"

"I didn't want them judging me," cutting her off before she eventually starts to do the same to you, "I don't like that. There were a few times I could have said something about myself, but I didn't." Hold on, getting too personal here. "Listen, thank you for everything, but I really need to sleep."

She eyes you for a bit. "It's okay, you talked to everypony later, so it's all water under the bridge. You just rest, we'll get you home soon enough." With that, she heads up the stairs and leaves the door open. Laying down, you calm down from this crazy day…


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Everything that's happened so far plays over and over in your mind. From waking up in the Everfree Forest to being in the library's basement. Trying to survive in that supernatural wild was hell, not only from trying to find food, water, and shelter, but from the boredom. The days seemed to start blurring together, but each minute felt like forever. Your phone had no signal and using it for entertainment drained the battery, so you shut it off. Maybe the hospital still has it and all your other things. This bandaging needs to come off and maybe changed soon. At least you're in a bed, unlike the forest. There was a small refuge using some sort of castle ruins. It gave a sense of civilization, even though you couldn't comprehend the things etched in stone. That was the second clue that you weren't on Earth. Unable to get comfortable and even running away from monsters with no idea what was going on made you feel Kafkaesque. There was even some sort of purple sea serpent that you saw while taking a drink from a stream. How much of a squishy defenseless fleshbag you are is prevalent, after seeing what you have and knowing there's magic here. At least the ponies are nice. Thankfully you won't have to stay here and find a way to adapt. Wolves that looked like they were made of tree chased you, some sort of twelve foot giant nearly crushed you, and you ate berries that caused a psychedelic trip after it tried to eat you. There's more, but you switch thoughts.

Thank God you finally found that apple orchard. Those apples were great, even after those berries started to kick in. Applejack needs to be compensated for those, somehow. She had a whole farm full of them, a few for yourself wasn't going to hurt, but it's probably the principle of the matter. Rarity needs to be paid back too. She said she's going to work on those shoes, need to make sure they're right. Ponies have hooves, you have bare feet that are currently dirty and could have been injured. How are you going to? Farm work is possible, if you can get on the apple pony's good side, Rarity said something about using your size as an advantage, and the guard talked about a town bulletin board. Maybe your previous job experiences can lead you in the right direction.

Well, that is if you don't return home before you get a chance to. Awaiting the Princess's response makes you feel powerless, and that means you need to fill your time up with something besides nothingness. Need to be a poster human for your species. Oh man, Earth isn't going to take another planet full of sentient life easily. Twilight is so ecstatic about merging the two that she doesn't even question what could go wrong. Might have to either tell her how humans could react, or Celestia… or you could ask for them not to connect the two worlds. Just send you there and leave it alone.

…what if you can't get home? That can't be true, they have magic after all. Surely you'll see your friends and family again… what are they doing right now? Could they already of had a funeral for you? Better not have given all your stuff away. What would you be remembered for? Here lies Anonymous… something something something. How are you going to explain it? Oh, I was in a place full of magical ponies that fly and worship a living sun goddess. They'll totally buy that. The government could detain you and interrogate everything out of you… with torture… no, don't think about that. It makes you shudder, better not go to sleep on bad thoughts… what would it be like? A Life in Ponyville


That's the end of the introductory chapter. Hopefully you all enjoyed it. This first one is sort of constricted and slow, but I guarantee it'll funnel out with freedom as Anon gets more defined and he learns more about Equestria and speed up as we get faster with practice. If you want to discuss this, positively or negatively, head to the meta thread. The next chapter will be linked there also.




From now on lets NOT be social fuckups.

I think that would be beneficial.


Nobody tried to expand who Anon is, so I decided to make him afraid to do so. Bring it up on the meta thread an discuss it please.



>introductory chapter


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